Christmas time is here! We've decorated the tree, put the Clay Aiken Christmas CD in the stereo and finished most of our Christmas shopping... That can only mean there is only one more thing left to do- write the annual Christmas letter!
Each year Roy and I contribute to the letter equally, and each year someone ends up sulking and pouting, claiming that their artistic integrity has been compromised. Typically I get pissy because Roy's sections are always much funnier than mine, and he in turn gets insulted because I edit the hell out of his grammar and spelling. Ahh, what holiday cheer!
Because we have no kids, cute pets, or any real accomplishments to speak of, you'd think it would be a pretty easy (and short) letter to write:
Merry Christmas! Not much has changed in 2005! Roy is still in school, so we're still poor as hell and can't afford to eat out unless it's Chili's (since we have Roy's 50% discount)! I still eat like a horse.
Josie & Roy
That's how it should look. But since we're both attention whores in our own way, we still manage to come up with plenty. The good news is, our Christmas letter bickering has decreased substantially each year so that now we're down to the typical old married couple 30-second fight:
Roy: I can't believe you changed what I wrote so much.
Josie: Screw you, hippie.
Roy: Hey what's for dinner?
Josie: I want pie.
Married life is great.
In other news, I had my second day of jury duty today. It went okay. I had to park a mile away and hoof it to the courthouse again, but was excused around 2:30 when the case failed to go to trial. I was happy. I had pretty much expected at least one crazy thing to happen since you gotta figure that there were over 400 pissy people of all ages, races and income levels crammed in a tiny room...but all was (disappointingly) calm.
The only wierdo I encountered was at the liquor store. I suppose you might be wondering what I was doing at a ghetto liquor store in the middle of my jury duty, but you've gotta keep in mind, when I'm distressingly bored and unhappy, I head to the store. So there I was, waiting in line to buy some pretzels and the newest issue of Cosmo (it was that or chic porn), when I felt some guy standing behind me, breathing down my neck. I wasn't too worried (since I know most liquor store clerks are just itching to use those shotguns under the register). Plus, I do Tae Bo DVDs. So I knew I could take him.
Anyway, I turned around to face Stinky (I call him Stinky because I swear to god, he smelled exactly like a fresh pile of poo) and saw a drunk bum staring inquisitively at me, his mouth hanging open, with what looked like no pupils... Creepy. I immediately felt bad for him when I saw that and instinctively gave him a polite half smile before I realized that such politeless often invites stalking 'round these parts. So mid-smile I tried to contort my face into a growl, which probably resulted in me looking like I was Sybil with Tourettes syndrome. Perfect. He backed off instantly and biked away. So consider this my early holiday gift to you- if you're being stalked by a drunk bum who smells like poo, smile and then look crazy angry a second later!!! Let me know how that works out for you.