It's me! Skanky mouth!

I am absolutely manic about oral hygiene. Everyday for years my nightly dental care routine has been the same:

1. Floss my teeth with the Oral B Satin floss (the good stuff);
2. Brush for 2-3 minutes using my Sonicare and kick a** All-In-One Colgate whitening toothpaste/mouthwash (brilliant by the way, Colgate...I applaud you);
3. Rinse my mouth with Act flouride rinse for 60 seconds.

This fairly rigorous routine takes at least 5 minutes every night, which seems like forever when you're already bleary-eyed, tired and ready to hit the sack. (After 10pm I try to conserve whatever energy I have anyway for whining/begging Roy to play with my hair until I fall asleep).

So how has all this perserverance and dedication worked out for me? Well for the last three years- fabulously. I've had only one minor cavity. In fact, my dental hygiene is generally so impressive that most hygienists start ooohing and ahhing over me the moment I open my mouth. I tend to have more free toothbrushes and dental floss thrust at me than I know what to do with. And you better believe I've gotten cocky about it! Everytime I saunter in for a check up I fling myself into the chair, nonchalantly throw open my mouth and then pretty much just wait for the compliments to flow...

That is, until today.

According to my dentist, I have not one, two or even three... but four cavities. FOUR?!!! ME?!!! Clearly this man was not aware of my near rock-star like status in the dental world!!! Did he not have any idea who I was??? How would I ever show my face around the clinic again? And oh my God! What would all the hygienists think?!!! I could already see them mumuring their disapointment and sadly shaking their heads upon hearing about my sudden fall from grace.

After giving me the bad news my dentist droned on and on about treatment, but I barely heard a word since I was too busy scowling and glaring at him. Once he finished I pretty much demanded to know how this was possible given my exceptional oral hygiene efforts. His answer was that it all came down to the anatomy of my teeth. Apparently, my teeth have a lot of deep crevices in them (which make them extremely vulnerable to decay). So the way I interpret this is- if most people have teeth with little lines in them like cracks in a sidewalk, my teeth are like the Grand Canyon. Pfft.

For those of you just tuning in, I not only got stuck with one of the denser brains in the family (my SAT scores go with me to the grave), but I also have to deal with premature graying, sensitive skin, acne, a short middle-linebacker-like body frame and now- skanky teeth!

But I won't be upset about this for long. Because even though it's going to cost me $350 out of pocket (since insurance won't cover the white amalgams), I figure having dental work done is a luxury most people in this world would love to have. So I'm cool with it. A little fussy still, but I'll be all right.