Routine cleansings...not just for hippies

For quite a few years we've been that childless couple with the all-white furniture, virtually clutter-free home. This does not mean, however, that we're a naturally spotless couple- this just means that poor Roy has to live with a nagging shrew who whines and bitterly complains every time he fails to put something away. Which I'm sure he loves. A lot. Come to think of it, I'm not sure what he loves more about me- my anal retentiveness or the fact that at a mere 33-years old, I'm about to have to purchase my first bottle of Beano. Ever since I went to a 90-95% vegetarian diet 2-3 years ago, I've had to accept that my gassiness has increased tenfold. It's been nice being able to blame the gas on Ryan over the past few months, but that won't last forever. I think the only thing that's holding me back at this point is the knowledge that the only thing less attractive than watching your 33-year old wife sprinkle Beano all over her supper plate is watching (hypothetically speaking of course) her breastmilk seep around her dislodged breast pad and bloom into a giant circle across her chest at breakfast (why are those adhesive strips on the back of them so darn small anyway?!!!).

But I digress.

So once we had a baby, part of me was actually very eager to embrace a home with crayon markings on the walls and toys scattered about the living room. I figured the forced imperfection would make me a lot less manic and a lot more tolerable to live with. Only...it hasn't exactly happened yet. In fact, in subtle ways, I am sabatoging my own efforts to be a slob. I can't help it, I just love the simplicity of a stark and tidy room. And I think in another life I could have been a GREAT Zen monk (you know, if monks didn't have to wear long, hot, sweaty robes, shave their heads, take a vow of poverty, could eat movie theatre popcorn, curse excessively and kill ants and spiders indiscriminately).

So much to Roy's chagrin (he hates to throw things away much, much more than me) I've been on a one-woman mission for well over a year now to live a simpler, clutter free life. And it's not just because I get to indulge my neurosis about clutter, I've been actually quite concerned about my past focus on materialistic want (vs. internal fulfillment) and my routine American overconsumption.

As an example, I realized the two days ago that I had three cutting boards- all beautiful bamboo boards less than a year old in a small, medium and large size. On any given day, I use the medium-size board since the small one is a little too small and the big one is a little too big. So the other two sit in my cupboard virtually unused 99.9% of the time. So why do I keep them? Well, they're beautiful for starters...and you know they weren't free, so it would be like throwing away money if I were to get rid of them...plus, I might need them someday (you know, like if the two neighbors we never talk to came over at the same time and each asked to borrow one).

So I decided to pass two of them on. And the brand new $25 turkey roaster I bought because it was just so shiny and professional looking even though we've cooked exactly one turkey in our 11 years of marriage. And the extra set of plateware and flatware and cups and mugs and pots and pans and serving plates and bowls that we almost never use but always have around 'just in case.' You get the picture. And speaking of pictures, we've even gotten rid of the dozen plus photo albums we were hauling around everytime we moved (that we never looked at but continued to add to each year) by scanning everything and storing them on memory sticks instead. So they not only take up a fraction of the space, but we also look at the pictures ten times more now that they're on our laptop screen saver and not stored away somewhere.

I realize that by passing these items on I haven't done Mother Earth any favors since I've already purchased them and provided a needless demand for them...but what I do know is that from this point forward, I'm going to continue to attempt to be A LOT more mindful about buying anything. The added benefits are that I get to enjoy the peace from having less things ("I have nothing, therefore I have no fear"), I get to help save a few trees and animals (ever since I gave up eating baby pandas I feel so much better), and I save money (does anything make a Chinese woman happier?). ;-)

I *heart* Tori Spelling

My brother Joseph is not only a girl's best friend when it comes to shopping (he once convinced a friend to buy Tiffany earrings instead of giving the money to charity), he's also a very useful resource when it comes to the arts as well. Specifically- he recommended that I begin watching Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood.

And OMG. Can I just say that I love love love that show? I friggen' love Tori Spelling! She's hysterical! I love that her daddy was a billionaire but her eyes bug out whenever she finds out how expensive something is! I love that she uses the words 'fancy fancy' to describe anything that costs too much! I love that she calls all her gay friends/fans 'my gays!'

Folks, if you have not checked the show out yet, you're missing out. It's on Oxygen, a channel we didn't even know we had since A) I can pretty much only turn the tv on, anything more than that requires me to have to screech out to Roy to come out and help me, and B) I've never wanted to watch anything on Oxygen before.

So if you loved 90210 (...and really folks, can you ever recapture the magic? I don't think so!), always furtively thumb through Us magazine in the checkout line (OMG! Did Brad & Angie really use in vitro?!!!) or know such valuable trivia as what the names are of Bruce Willis & Demi Moore's three daughters (...um duh...it's Rumer, Scout & Talulah) by heart- then this, well this...is YOUR show. Now go watch it!!!

He's momma's boy!

There's nothing like having weight issues and then taking your 9-week old to the doctor, only to be told he's in the 90th percentile for his weight.

Wonderful.

And unfortunately, Slim Fast does not make baby formula. I already asked. So I'm raising a little chubb! He's 13 pounds already.

Otherwise, it's been an exciting couple of weeks. And not in the old 'exciting' way (i.e.- raise, new car, exotic vacation), but in the 'new' way... Meaning that Ryan has begun nearly sleeping through the night!

He's also started to fall asleep on his own (without needing to be carried)- in his crib, on the floor, etc. This is hot sh**, folks. I can now leave him for more than a few minutes by himself! This means I get to pee without flying in and out of the restroom! I get to eat without scarfing my meal down (wait a minute, I do that anyway). I get to wash his bottles slowly at the kitchen sink instead of manically with soap bubbles flying around everywhere!

And even more exciting- he's stopped throwing up (again). He used to throw up daily (projectile), and then it stopped for a week. Then it started again. It's really hard having a bulimic child. You end up washing his clothes, burp cloths, blankets and towels every friggen' day. And moreover, it's just traumatizing everytime he throws up. Yet if he didn't, I'm thinking Ryan would be wearing adult Depend diapers since Huggies doesn't make diapers for 52 pound babies.

Bonding...sort of

The problem with marrying someone who absolutely LOVES tv is that the odds of your firstborn son also loving tv increases exponentially. I can't tell you how many times a day I walk out into the living room and see this scene in front of me, daddy watching Two & a Half Men on TiVo and little Ryan sitting quietly next to him in his Bumbo, intently watching the screen with him... :-(

Not good. But there could be worse father figures... Take my brother for example. Rather than being mildly offended by, or even deeply reflective after reading my recent accusations of alcoholism- he was howling with laughter. And if you can imagine this- once he settled down, he suddenly became quite somber and then said with complete seriousness and pride- "In six hours it will be TWENTY FOUR hours of clean living for me. I haven't had a drink since last night at ten!" (This from the man who swore he had quit drinking weeks ago.) Now I've never been to an AA meeting (mostly because I possess that wretched Asian gene that causes me to projectile vomit even a thimble full of alcohol), but I'm guessing they don't hand out silver coins for 24 measly hours of 'clean living.' And though I won't go into detail...let's just say that during the course of our brief conversation that he also failed to upkeep his other vow to not make fun of disabled people. This man can never run for office.

The Lost Hawaiians are still alive!

Hi there. Sorry for the lack of posts over the past few weeks. We ended up making a last minute trip up to San Francisco to visit my brother Joseph. He's been suffering from a terrible bout of sciatica for the past 2-3 months and is in severe pain. For the most part, he's been unable to sleep in any one position for more than 20-40 minutes at a time, is completely unable to sit down for more than 3-4 minutes, and walks with a horrible limp.

As a result of the past few months, however, he proudly informed me that this recent experience has changed him forever- namely that he had 'stopped making fun of handicapped people' (yes, let's defer judgment and comment on that one) and that he had 'quit drinking'. Well- except for last week Friday and Saturday night...since his friends wanted to try and cheer him up. And oh, the two drinks he had the night before we arrived, since, you know...it helps take the edge off and he didn't want to be grumpy when we rolled into town. And then there was the two $8 beers he had at the Fillmore Jazz Festival we all went to...'cause it helped him walk a little better. And then of course the day after we left, when he was trying to wean himself off the Vicodin , he had a few because really helped relax him. So while I suppose he might consider that to be 'stopping drinking,' I think the rest of us would still consider that to be 'continued alcoholism and denial.' But those are just my very private thoughts, outwardly and to his face- I have of course applauded him.

Otherwise, I continue to stumble along in this new role of parenthood. I have decided that while I love Ryan and his still-furry little ears, I am not sure I love being a mother. Does that make sense? While it's of course arguable that I should make such a statement when it's still so early into the experience- I have to remind you that I did not want to be a mother my entire adult life. And those that know me well have noticed the internal struggle and agree that yes- it is odd to see me as a mother. It might be because in the past, I've been caught giving my infant nephew a plastic Wal Mart bag to play with because he liked the crinkling sound...it might be because I was also caught threatening my other nephew that he had to sit in time out until lunch one day (it was about 7am). But mostly I think it's because in ten years of marriage I've never voiced my desire to have a child, and now- I have one. So hmm, it just feels kinda weird. Very foreign. Very this-can't-possibly-be-my-new-life-ish. But at the same time- I can't imagine life without him now, and I look forward to seeing his adorable open-mouthed little smiles each and everyday. So I know I just need time to get a little more sleep and shed a little more anal-retentiveness (I must clean the kitchen! I must pay the bills!)... Because honestly, truly- this baby is a perfect angel.

I'm not sure how often I'll get to post for the next few months since I'm still adjusting to things. To be honest, I've spent the last few weeks thinking this would be my final entry...but without revealing too much right now- there are some exciting developments in the works for our family and I'd love to write about them as they occur. Roy also thinks it's good for my family to be able to see where we are and what we're doing via the blog. So for now- I'll keep this blog alive. ;-)