A Year in Review

How can I define 2009? In comparison, 2008 was easy- it was what I like to call The Year of Ryan- welcoming him, adapting to full-time motherhood, learning how to care for him without the helpful hand of CPS. 2009 is a little trickier. I mean, it's definitely a lot better for my family:

[Warning: If you already resent me because of my phenomenal fashion sense and very naturally shiny, white teeth, please do not read any further.]

• Roy transitioned from working nights to days and got a promotion to Case Manager (which helped offset the mandatory paycut he took). He also finished his second marathon, learned how to play the ukulele and started grad school.
• Ryan turned 1, and learned to walk and talk!
• My mother is still cancer-free.
• After 35+ years as a teacher, my father retired.
• After 2+ years of a reduction in hours/pay, my oldest brother got a great new job.
• After initially getting a layoff notice, my younger brother got a promotion.
• After a few 'rough' years of college, my youngest brother just got a 4.0 last semester!!!
• Despite a brief hospital stay earlier in the year, my 84-year old grandmother continues to be of sound enough mind to passionately complain to me about her (in order of frequency in which the topic arises)- dental bills, distended uterus, ungrateful neighbors, itchy scalp, clerks who overcharge her and her bowels.

And for me personally? I will always be grateful for each year that passes where my marriage survives (I forgave Roy for his prolonged affair with Tiger Woods), and my extended family (parents/siblings) helps me raise my son. And I'm also happy that I got Lasik surgery, tried scuba diving for the first time, continued to run, learned a few new hobbies (painting pottery, baking cakes) and have finally come to appreciate being home with Ryan all day (the little guy and I have created a happy little weekly routine together). But in all honesty? I'm still not sure this is me. Because it still doesn't feel like me. I'm still a teensy bit lost without my career/independence, my own home, and traveling.

But having said that, I'm definitely not complaining. And I don't even think I'd change a thing. I'm just saying I'm not sure if 2009 was 100%, authentic me. But then again, who does? Who gets to live blissfully 100% in the moment, entirely at their own leisure and whimsy? Most don't. And especially not this year, when so much of the country has experienced at least some financial turmoil. So though it pains me to not have a more clearly defined year in review, I will nonetheless give thanks tonight for a very blessed 2009. For this girl and her family at least- all's well that's ends well.

And though I've never really been one for resolutions, if I had to come up with a few things that I think would make 2010 more me?

1. More hikes. I love adventure.
2. More crazy physically-exerting feats! I thrive on accomplishing things I've never dreamed of doing. These may not be long runs, but they'll be long somethings!
3. Find a job. I love making money, and I love going on vacation, so I can have both if I do this!
4. Eat better so I can feel better! More fruits and veggies, less canned, lifeless food.

That's it. 'Cause that's plenty. ;-)

PS- Last year at this time I posted an entry about giving up the blog, and 83+ people posted comments/emailed me encouraging me to keep pluggin' away. This year, I make no such threats since I've come to love the pressure blogging puts on me to stay active and sane!

Happy New Year folks- here's to all the surprises* that 2010 will bring!

*Provided that they are not (for me at least) unplanned pregnancies, lizards, added fat around the thighs or batwings, new patches of eczema or tinea versicolor, etc.

Reason #237 Why he rocks

People read this blog for many reasons- some people are on the fence about rockin' a ricebowl haircut and they use me for inspiration (since let's be real now- it's a timeless classic). Others find Ryan too adorable for words (have we forgotten his famous firefighter pinup pose back in October?). However, I'm fairly sure that precious few people come here to hear me wax on about my political beliefs (Nationalized healthcare! Drug test welfare recipients! Flat tax rate! No rbST for cows!), which admittedly, make me undesirable to not one, but ALL political parties in our great land.

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Nonetheless, I couldn't resist posting this picture of President Obama. I love the guy. And not because he's from the 'aina (braddah no look like he pounds spam musubi's in 'da Oval Office). Not because he's a minority. But because he's truly an evolved thinker. A gifted speaker and writer. Because he tries to be as non-partisan and transparent as the system will let him. Because he's unafraid to give practical, affordable gifts to international dignitaries and together with his wife, has opened up the White House to the people. And of course, because he fist bumps the working maintenance staff and I bet- knows 'em all by name.

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When Bush was in office, I did my best to ignore the man (though it's kinda hard to ignore two costly wars). But I've always forced myself to recognize that he's clearly a loving father, husband, son and I'm sure- human being. I don't blame/hold him personally responsible for the mortgage crisis or even the recession. It wouldn't be fair. So I've never understood the often hateful, racist, ranting and name calling of Obama opponents (Commie. Socialist. Muslim. The n-word.). Trust me, it's a very, very rare moment in life when I can stand up on a podium and lecture about class- but please, people. Get some. If you hate our President's politics, do as I did for eight, very long years- be quiet. Go vote. Just keep your crazy ranting off my Facebook Wall and MSN message board. ;-)

Uncle Joey...Master Storyteller, Connoisseur of Fine Things (I swear, this is what he calls himself)

Sadly, the only member of our family who doesn't live here (Uncle Joey) is on his way back to San Francisco...but as usual, we had an awesome time with him and he took some great photos! Here are a few pics he took of Ryan at the beach on Sunday.

A black and white of Mr. Rizzle playing with a hermit crab. Look how clear that water is!


Ryan playing with Uncle JJ (the baby of the family...who btw, just got a 4.0 last semester! Go, JJ, go JJ, it's 'yo birthday!!!). Too bad his impressive skillset does not also include such things as "getting up before 11am" or "helping with the dishes."

Showing off those beautiful Asian eyes (can you see them?! Look closely!) and saying "Cheeeese!" for the camera.

Ryan, Uncle Joey & Ry's rubber duckie at a small keiki pond.

Chillin' with Uncle JJ on the shore with Hualalai looming in the background. I think most people in Kona live on the slopes of Hualalai, which technically...is not quite extinct yet. Minor detail.

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Footnote: Daddy dressed Ryan for the beach (but got to stay home and watch the Charger game, a rare special treat for him). However, at the end of the day, when mommy was changing Ryan from his swim diaper to a regular diaper, she discovered that both of his pale, chubby little legs had been shoved into a SINGLE leghole of his swimshort's underwear! When his two uncles (standing nearby) saw this, they laughed and said "No wonder he was walking so unsteady on the rocks all day!!!" Oh how we love the male species great attention to detail! :-)

Diary of a 12.5 mile run

I've been meaning to do this for months...gather my thoughts on a long run and then pen them later. I finally remembered to do it today, and it couldn't have worked out better because I ended up getting a nice surprise at the end!

6:18am - Wake up with a very sour, very negative disposition about having to run since the last so many days/weeks have been so tiring. Try to talk myself out of doing it. I realize that if I was not signed up for the half in March, I would not be doing ANY long runs right now. It makes me sad that I've become so unmotivated and lazy. Nonetheless, I remember that I've gained about four pounds over the holidays (the GBISALTP Challenge has been an abysmal failure) and becoming more slothlike is not an option for Ms. Tubby. I hurriedly, but dejectedly slather some lilikoi butter on two pieces of brown bread and chomp it down so I'll have about 20 min. to let it settle before hitting the road.

7:05am - Ry and Roy get up just as I'm about to walk out the door. I try to convince Roy to join me with Ry in the stroller, but he says his knees (he has bad ones) are still aching from the Jingle Bell Run we did last week. This bums me out tremendously, since I was hopeful he would provide me with the motivation I need(ed) to haul my butt out the door.

Mile 1 - I start off glumly, still desperately trying to come up with last minute adjustments to my run (to make it shorter) that I can justify. I end up nixing all of them reminding myself that once my adrenaline kicks in, I'll probably regret wimping out.

Mile 2 - Still thinking I need some outside motivation, I call my brother Joey to see if he'd like to meet me around Mile 5 and run home with me. He bows out, saying he's going to do an easier run since his sciatica has been acting up. Not to be deterred, I call my friend Leilani, who also declines citing other committments. Hot damn. This leaves me officially SOL for outside motivation, however, now that I've been moving for about 20 minutes I'm starting to feel more capable of doing the run alone. I find someone's driver's license on the side of the road and pick it up with the intention of mailing it to him.

Mile 4 - A combination of cool, December morning breezes and four strawberry Gu chomps have officially cured me of my previously grumpy, pitiful disposition. I find myself deciding to extend, rather than shorten, my route. I stride down Palani Road feeling like a champ.

Mile 5 - I pass sparkling, Kailua Pier and am instantly guiltily reminded of my past vows to start open water swimming. I make another promise to do so...soon. As I enter the heart of town on Alii Drive I am reminded of how AWESOME it is to run on Alii Drive- it's filled with tons of other pedestrians, quite shady and scenic. I make a quick detour (stepping over about a dozen squished peel and eat shrimp from nearby Bubba Gump's all over the side of the road...for some reason, this makes me smile) to the police station at Hale Halawai so I can drop off the driver's license. I figure that the odds of the young man having a land line in his name in the phone book are slim, and know that they can track him faster/easier than I can. However, the lights are out and the top half of the door is locked. Surprisingly, the bottom half of the door is open. I push the door open and see a dark office and a bunch of computer equipment. Thankfully, no alarms blare during this moment of impulsive stupidity. Because I too start to question the wisdom of breaking into a police station...I hurriedly chuck the license far enough inside the office so the officer's will see it and then take off.

Mile 8 - Shockingly, I still feel strong. Not strong enough to delay taking my second set of blocks(!), but good! I'm starting to feel a little more confident about doing the half in March, because I just read a very informative article that said it takes 4-6 weeks for your legs to get used to a new distance (which most half marathon and marathon training programs do not accommodate)...and it makes me realize that I will definitely need every long run that remains if I'd like to avoid overexertion.

Mile 10 - I'm starting to feel tired, but I've been increasing my weekend mileage recently and so it's not super shocking to my legs and breathing. I stop and refill two of my four Fuel Belt flasks at Kahalu'u Beach and try to motivate myself to keep running to the huge hill just below Keauhou Shopping Center (my official "You can walk now 'cause you done good" location). Time always seems to pass quickly on Alii Drive, possibly because there are so many other runners out there to watch. Everyone motivates me out there- the overweight runners, the old runners, the in-ten-times-better-shape runners...they all make me run harder.

Mile 11 - I slowly trudge up Kam III road and lo and behold (here's the surprise), I get passed by a cycling Lance Armstrong! He's decked out in head to toe LiveStrong gear, but what really gives him away is the BMW X5 carrying two members of his team trailing right behind him...well, us (since I'd like to think for that for a moment, Lance and I were a couple). Not even most pro's can afford to have a two-man team following them in a luxury vehicle, so I'm pretty sure it's Lance. [Note: as soon as I get home, I logged on to Lance's Twitter account and verified that yes, he's in Kona right now with his older kids. And strangely enough, it's actually the second time I've passed him cycling on Kam III, the last time was about 6 months ago while he was training for the Tour de France.] ...so yeah, I think it's pretty obvious he's totally into me and hangs out there in hopes of seeing me. Boo ya Sheryl Crow and Tori Burch. I done stole 'yo man.*

*Notice how rational I am at this point of the run?

Mile 12 - I'm almost at the top of Kam III and officially tuckered out, but my legs still have enough pep in them to stride down Kuakini Hwy the last half mile to my parent's house. Right at the top of Kam III, where I have a sweeping view of the beautiful, vog-free Kona Coast, I have a sudden urge to yell something triumphant, since I turned a very sad, sour girl into a very energized, Lance Armstrong-attracting champion. However, my Asian blood prevails and I restrain myself.

Cool down: During my stretch I notice how much salt has crusted all over my body and rue that there is no way to market this strange phenomenon to conniseuers. (When manufactured salt from a salt-mine just won't do...get Josie's Body Salt! 100% natural! Fresh, too!!!)

Moral of the story? Sometimes a bad run can turn into a good one (and will make Lance Armstrong want you bad)...so push through the initial pain and negativity and find your inner rainbow-covered unicorn! Peace.

Ryan's 2nd Mele Kalikimaka!

Sooo much has been going on the last few days that I haven't had any time to post. However, I think it's fair to say that this has been our busiest (and BEST) holiday season EVER! I'll leave you with a few pics of little Ry on the big day!


Ryan opening one of about 39 gifts from Rich Uncle Joey (this is what I call him now since everytime he comes to town, he tosses out tons of his big city, fancy-shmancy gifts to everyone). Case in point- he got me a beautiful $pricey$ Coach purse...but get this- I ain't never coached no sport before! What a waste!

Ryan opening one of about 67 presents from my mother. For the record- Grandma Janice (my mother), Grammy Kay (Roy's stepmother) and Rich Uncle Joey supply about 90% of Ryan's Christmas gifts each year. We all owe them our thanks for stimulating much of the nation's economic recovery. I, on the other hand, bought Ryan a police car. It ran for $11.50. I hope he remembers my stunning generosity someday.

Ry opening one of his presents from Uncle Jon & Aunty Mika...he seemed pretty into opening about half of his presents this year, which surprised us. However, once he opened his Elmo cell phone from Grammy Kay, his present-opening came to an abrupt halt and we had to finish 'em off for him!

Every birthday and Christmas I take a photo of Ry with all his presents so he/we can look back on them someday and see how loved, blessed and disgustingly spoiled he was (I'm hoping this translates into free long-term elder care down the road). Here's our first attempt to get him to pose with all his gifts!

...and here's the official one (the pose was Uncle Joey's idea)! Three additional things I'd like to point out:

1. Even upside down, Ryan smiled and unprompted- said, "Cheeeeese!"

2. The balloon in the back is from a trip to the grocery store that Ryan took with Uncle Joey...where he easily suckered his uncle into buying him a balloon! And since Uncle Joey let Ryan pick out the one he wanted...he came home giddily waving the "I'll Miss You!" balloon back and forth!

3. ...and yes, Ryan likes Elmo! How did you guess?!

Ryan...also not a dolphin fan

So in addition to Santa, Ryan is also not a fan of giant stuffed dolphins. Roy, Uncle Joey and I took Ryan to the Wyland Gallery tonight so he could meet the dolphin (and so we could watch Wyland paint), but he quickly clutched Uncle Joey's shoulder for dear life.

...and he didn't do any better later when daddy held him. He wanted nothing to do with that dolphin until it was time to say leave (at which point he blew the dolphin a kiss and shouted "Bye!" since he knew we were outta there).

Thankfully, mommy was able to make up for exposing him to such terror by amusing him by putting crayons in her ears...

We took Uncle Joey out to dinner at our favorite digs- Bubba Gumps! We kept joking that it was like Ryan wasn't there, because for over 90 minutes he sat there quietly and played with a straw (you can see it in his mouth) and a cup of water. I shouldn't brag like this, but I can't help myself...this rocked!

Highlight of the night- we got to see Wyland (the 'Michaelangelo of the Sea' I think he's called) work his magic right in front of our very eyes!

The Jingle Bell Run

Uncle Joey, me, Roy & a pajama-clad Ryan post run at the pier

Today was my very first 5k! Even though I'm a longtime out and proud turtle-paced runner (I've been contemplating renaming the blog The Lost Hawaiian Honu!)...get this- I used to turn my nose up at 5 & 10k race distances because I deigned them 'too short' (and we certainly wouldn't want to intimate all those other runners with my superior, awe-inspiring athletic skill). However, now that I'm no longer a distance runner (since I've yet to run further than 13 miles over the past year) and we live on a small island where running opportunities are limited- I've changed my attitude to be one where I'm thrilled to participate at any distance! Plus, I've learned that the shorter the distance, the faster the runners (yesterday's winner ran the 3.1 miles in about 18 minutes), so in a lot of ways, it's even more challenging!

So to make a long story short, yesterday was great fun. Joey and Roy both outpaced me (admittedly not hard to do, but since Joey rarely runs more than 4 miles, and Roy almost never runs...this was GREAT for my ego), and Roy pushed the stroller the majority of the time. So the credit goes to the two of them for our speediest 3.1 miles ever at 28:19!!! Though it felt great to run so quickly (we were only 10 minutes behind the winner, so we were definitely nipping at his heels) this was FAR outside of my comfort zone. I'd have been MUCH happier strolling along finishing a good 2-3 minutes slower and not putting my lungs and legs into such trauma. As it is, I slowed Roy down a bit because I whined that he was running too fast. So purely because of Roy and Joey (who clocked in under 28 minutes), this placed us around 62nd out of 158 people. And to make sure I got my weekly long run in, once we cooled down, Joey and I ran another 7 miles down Alii Drive and up King Kam III until the scary, scary thunder and lightning (felt like we were in Kosovo!) had us calling for a roadside pick up from our daddy. All in all, it was a great run on a great course with some great people (my varied use of English adjectives is impressive, isn't it?)! And the day only got better after that- I got to see two high school classmates that I haven't seen in over 15 years at their son's birthday party (Ryan looooved the Elmo theme!), and then did some Christmas decoration shopping with my mom and Joey. Loooove the holidays!!!

Family fun in the 'aina

Ryan seems to have recovered from his encounter with "Shanta" just fine!

He hasn't figured out that momma's cell phone doesn't work anymore and that we only power it up to keep him occupied at mealtimes...

...so he thinks he's texting the ladies, but he's not.

In addition to being obsessed with the moon and airplanes, he is now equally excited about seeing a lit Christmas tree or Santa! Once he spots one, it's nonstop chanting for at least 2 minutes (Shanta! Shanta! Shanta!) until you find something else to distract him with!

The best family photo we could manage...you can't tell it's Roy, and Ry is still refusing to look at anyone because he's long since retreated to his 'safe place' to avoid dealing with Santa. At least I look peppy and bright. (Not to mention thrilled because this top normally showcases the best of my batwings, but they're hard to see for some reason! Awesome.) Got a busy weekend lineup- dinner with friends in town, a morning hike in Kaloko with friends, my brother's (actual) birthday, the Jingle Bell Run (to be followed by another long run), a birthday party for a little boy and getting to see some long lost friends, hanging out with Joseph while he's in town, some holiday Christmas bark-making, to be followed by a dinner with some other friends! Ryan is lovin' all this holiday activity. I hope he's a busy body just like me!

Santa brings sadness to Ryan's heart

I learned today that when faced with an entirely unpleasant situation, my son will not burst into tears or flee. No- my son will become very,very silent, cast his sad eyes downward...and slurp on his fingers.

Ryan was not such a fan of Santa's (daddy's) visit to preschool today. I could write on and on about what his daddy had to go through in order to try and create a priceless and memorable holiday experience between father and son, but I think these four pictures adequately express how much Ryan truly appreciated it.

I'm having a great time, daddy!
Wow! This is so much fun!!!

Thank you so much for doing this daddy!!!

Whoo-hoo! My daddy is the best!!! Can't wait to do this again next year!

Santa Daddy carried Ryan out to the car to say goodbye, and during the entire 200-yard walk over to the parking lot- Ryan still refused to look at him. Good to know that if Ry's ever abducted by a strange, sweaty man in a red suit and beard that our kid will not make a single peep in protest!

Ain't no party like a K-town party...

Who says you have to stop swaddling your baby?

So I kinda forgot (and by 'forgot' I mean that I was too bored) to post the results of last week's weigh in, so I have two weeks to report here- and on both weeks, I've managed to hold steady at 2 lbs. down from my starting weight 9 weeks ago. Yawn. I definitely can't complain since I've been pigging out at a ton of Christmas/birthday parties we've attended over the past 2 weeks. But I'm sure it helps that I'm officially starting to up my mileage again. The Big Island Half is in March, and now that it's too cold for me to swim in the mornings, it's time to start doing longer runs again. Last weekend I ran a 9-miler and I'm hoping to pump out 14-milers before the race so I won't be as fatigued at the half (if that sounds impressive, you should watch me do them...it will change your mind.)

In other news, I'm totally excited about a ton of things happening this week- Roy reprises his award-winning Santa performance for Ryan's preschool this Thursday at our end-of-the-year potluck (yours truly will be making the unofficial Hawaii State Dish- spam musubi)! Then on Saturday the World Ironman Championships airs on NBC (can you believe I've never watched one?!). And on Sunday, it's the Jingle Bell Run 5k down on Alii Drive (it will be the first 5k I've ever done!) and then a birthday party (the birthday boy's parents are my classmates, whom I haven't seen in like, 15 years)! I'm totally gonna go get some Botox before then so I can show them up!!! And while we're on the topic of all things shallow and silly- I forgot to mention that my brother Joseph also arrives this week! Whoo-hoo! This is as rockin' as it gets for me here in K-Town, folks (although I did get a special thrill today by buying enough things from Safeway to qualify for a free carton of eggs, but that may not fit everyone else's definition of a damn good time).

In Ryan-related news, he has learned the words Santa, tree and applesauce! He has also switched his favorite book to Goodnight Moon, which we read no less than 8 times per day (and it will remain at 8 because after the 8th reading, mama hides the book when he's not looking).

More Holiday Cheer!

After meeting Santa last week at Roy's Christmas party, Ryan convinced Santa to hire him to help whip those elves into shape! Here he is arriving to work, looking very focused and determined!

Unfortunately, though elves are quite short, they still tower over our 2 ft. 10 in. son by at least 2 full inches...so he had to stand on a bench to command their respect!

Look at what Roy and I (yep, he helped!) made last night for his Christmas party tomorrow! It's not quite what I had envisioned (plenty of mistakes, and couldn't find any of those edible pearl-like beads to line the ribbon with, the ribbon collapsed!), but since we're amateurs, we're fine with it!

Ryan looking pretty bummed about getting only a candy cane instead of a pony from Santa & Mrs. Claus (hence the aforementioned offer to Santa to help the elves 'step it up a notch').

A picture of us in front of our family tree...you know, in our grand ballroom...(clearly our servant is taking the picture)! ;-)

Killin' me...

I think I read once that Britney Spears is the most photographed person in the world. If that's true, than my son Ryan runs a close second. Because we hover over the child with a camera pointed at him like he's the second coming of Christ, even moreso now that he's learned how to smile and say 'Cheese!' (Though he kinda overdoes the smile a lil' bit, which makes him look... well- very, very Asian.*)

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*This is a very nice, politically correct way of saying you can barely see his eyes when he smiles. And though I'm a teensy bit biased, I think it's very, very cute!

Our little party animal!!!

This pic is of Ry (sporting a cute little onesie from Aunty Pat & Uncle Clyde) from last Christmas!

And this pic is from last night (does Ry's Christmas outfit look familiar? It still fits!!!), just before we went to Roy's company Christmas party.

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This is Ry's new favorite position. He stands at the gate, pathetically calling out loudly "Pease? Pease?!" (Please! Please!) with his arms outstretched to whoever (usually grandpa) happens to be passing by! I feel so loved! And if grandpa doesn't hear him for some reason (half the time he's carrying a blower/lawn mower/hedger), tears form in his eyes before he collapses to the floor softly wimpering "Grandpa...Grandpa" and sucking his thumb (to soothe the pain).

Ryan wearing his new Thomas the Tank Engine glow in the dark t-shirt from Grammy Kay! (I'd say he likes it!)

Ry and his two cousins sporting their matching t-shirts from Grammy Kay, posing with Grandpa and Grandma for their annual Christmas card photo!

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Ryan kissing the polar bear lighted display at last night's Christmas party...what can I say? He's a passionate child!

Ryan laughing at daddy (taking the photo) at the Christmas party. Check out those eyes! He's definitely half Asian!

Ry was the first child in line to sit on Santa's lap last night...and surprise, surprise, he didn't cry! We were sure he wouldn't tolerate being handed off to a white-haired stranger in a bright red suit this year (and so long after his bedtime!), but apparently he didn't mind! :-) In fact, the kid was ROCKIN' the party last night- gleefully smiling and giggling the entire evening! He loved all the lights, animated displays, music, people, etc. It was like he was truly in his element for the first time in his life! Roy and I now realize we need to make a much bigger effort to take him out more at night and let him live it up (since it's not in our nature to do so)! In fact, he got so hot toward the end of the evening (from running around) that we ended up stripping off his long pants and letting him run around in his onesie (resulting in endless comments about how as the night progressed, Ryan's clothes were starting to come off)! What can we say? He's a party animal!

Week #7 Report

Ave. # of calories per day: 2133 (highest ever!)
Overall weight change: -2.0 lbs.
Total # of workouts: 6

Summary: Though I deserve to have gained 10 pounds last week, I have settled back down at 2 lbs. down from my starting weight. This means I am averaging an incredible 1/8 lb. loss per week! God I'm good!

Just kidding. It doesn't actually bother me anymore. Because I've realized two things:

1. Very little effort = very little weight loss; and
2. Based on my current weight/size (...and inability to give up gummy bears and tortilla chips), I was probably overly ambitious with the 10 lb. goal. anyway!

At this point, it's clear that I've lost some steam for this challenge...but I wouldn't say I'm completely throwing in the towel. Because maintaining a 2 lb. weight loss during the holidays should be plenty challenging enough! So as long as I can maintain over the holidays, I'm gonna be happy!

So in a bold, bold move from a girl who is prone to moping over these types of things- I am no longer going to complain about not losing much weight, especially if I don't put in the effort. Because complaining about being too chubby (especially when one is not visually heavy) gets old and annoying after awhile. So for those of you counting, this makes a second self improvement vow (the first was to stop whining about being so slow when I fail to do speedwork). I'm not saying I won't continue to make fun of myself, I'm just saying I'm not going to let it upset or devalue me. Gotta be more self accepting and positive in 2010! Got to!