Though I always wish for a chill travel experience, I rarely get it. Sometimes, like on our trip to NYC, I puke uncontrollably and get scolded for using too many puke bags (and yes, two years later, still bitter). Anywho, yesterday's travel experience was fairly delightful. Not only did we fly on a brand new Airbus jet (lovely commodes, high tech seats), but we got to move our seats together (we were all apart at one point) and Ryan was a real peach.
The only little hitch was the repeated stern lecturing I got from some off-duty Agricultural agent at the gate for "sneaking" contraband produce into the terminal. And by "sneaking" she would be referring to the fact that I PUT MY BAGS THROUGH AGRICULTURE security twice and it passed right by them...I wasn't hiding or sneaking anything.
Okay, maybe I was. But seriously, I wasn't going to declare that I had some washed, peeled apple slices for my son because they would have seized it. And I knew it wasn't going to be an issue because I've done this about eighty times. It's just not a big deal, I don't think Ag cares all that much about what leaves the island, it's more about what comes in. I also don't see the point of why ag would worry about produce simply returning to the land where it was grown. I was simply taking it back home, GO TO YOUR HOME! (Sorry, Happy Gilmore reference.)
So we're standing at the gate, munching on some apples when she marched over and told me I had better finish all those apples right there at the gate because she was shocked, and just could not believe that I had managed to 'sneak' them past Agriculture. I politely thanked her for concern, and kept munching away. A few minutes later, just in case I was too dumb to understand her earlier instructions, she reiterated that we would have to eat all of the fruit, right there. I replied that we would, and turned away to roll my eyes. Seriously woman. Get a life. But she wasn't quite done yet, because unable to stop herself, a few minutes later she offered to throw away any remaining apples we might have had, because really, it was no trouble at all. At which point she reminded me that we weren't supposed to have them there... because it was against Agriculture rules. You know, in case I didn't know.
At this point I wanted to take my contraband, terrorist apples and shove them down her throat. But I smiled and pointed to the trash can ten feet away and said that we could handle it ourselves. I could tell she was about ready to have a stroke, but thanks to the unwritten code amongst Asians, neither of us was going to create a scene, so we did what Asians do best- we silently seethed at each other.
Because she was clearly watching us like a hawk, a few minutes later I loudly asked Rich to throw them away, secretly hoping that he would not. And while I will neither confirm nor deny that he disobeyed a direct order from an off duty United States of America Agricultural Agent tasked with securing our borders against alien apple wedges...I will say that I was very pleased with his decision.
The moral to this story? Unless you want your mug alongside mine in the Agriculture Office, steer clear of smuggling any illegal apple wedges onto the plane. Trust me, it's a problem. So not worth the prison time.
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