Hauoli la hanau, Likeke!

Hee hee.  

Happy birthday, Rich!  

Thank you for being the hardest working, dedicated husband and daddy ever.  Ryan and I would not trade you for all the gummy worms in the world.

We feted him with garlic roasted red mashed potatoes, pot roast (my first..and last..since sawing through fat & gristle is so gross), an appetizer platter from Mika with karaage, shrimp tempura, gyoza and spring rolls), 7-layer bean dip & 7-layer jello.

Ryan & I gave him a canvas-print of our favorite Christmas family photo.  

Instead of a cake, we made his favorite dessert- triple layer peanut butter brownies!

And as a special birthday treat after dinner & dessert, we made him sprint around pulling all three boys in a wagon (they demanded that he create Disneyland's Big Thunder Mountain Railroad for them). And judging from the high-pitched screams that only three pre-adolescent males can provide- he succeeded!

State of the Jolene Address (2012)

Two things I'm dreadfully facing at age thirty seven that just aren't right-

1. The zits just don't stop coming, do they?
2. Being truly comfortable in my own skin hasn't happened yet. I suppose I'd hoped/assumed this would happen naturally for me as I aged, but apparently not.  I worry a lot.  And even better? I've recently progressed/evolved to worrying about worrying too much.

So I've got to put the brakes on this madness.  I refuse to be a 70-year old coot worrying if Gertrude & Millicent can see my Depends through my size-42 polyester pantsuit (which by the way, is teal).  Old people like teal.

Clearly it's time to impose a little self-directed intervention (side benefit: no co-pay!) so I can learn to live my life with little less anxiety clouding my head.  So let's dive right into the things floating around my gray matter, shall we?

Issue #1- Who am I again?!  Ryan is going to start school this year.  Waaaah.  I thought I wanted this day to come.  I could return to my career (albeit a reduced one), establish new friendships, make some money again, maybe even hit the gym! But now that its on the horizon, I'm not so excited. I'm just super bummed that I won't see my best buddy all day.  None of those other things seem all that important anymore...which means I've officially turned over a new leaf.  I'm no longer a career woman on hiatus- I'm a mother.  A mother who could give a crap about making money or moving up in the world. And I tend to worry (who, me? worry?!) that this makes me less interesting. Ridiculous, right? Well, not totally. Anyone who's left a career to raise children knows what I'm referring to, but I don't have to let my lack of a steady income define me.  I'm a mother, wife, daughter, sister, runner, traveler, baker, cook, gardener, reader and writer.  That's still an amazing person to be, and I shouldn't waste another second worrying about this stuff.  Life will unravel the way its meant to be come Sep 2012, and whoever I morph into is fine by me as long as I'm not having to dance on a pole or swallow baggies of suspicious white powder my new friend "Chainsaw" assures me is just baby powder.

Issue #2- I still struggle with food and body issues. There is nothing that makes me feel more pathetic than being nearly 38-years old, and still worrying about bat wings, chubby thighs and muffin tops.

Is being 15 pounds overweight worth feeling diminished?  For over 7 years, I've successfully kept off 50 pounds.  Instead of feeling awesome about it, I focus obsessively on the 10 I've gained back.  If being a little chunky here and there is who I am...why not just embrace it and rock it? Confidence is far more alluring than self obsession. Besides, we all have to have a few demons...better that mine be eating chips than hoarding 97 cats, right?

Issue #3- Did Rich and I get our American dream wrong?  For years we've saved money, finally sinking most of our assets into a beautiful home that was supposed to be our 'forever house.'  You know, the one you happily raise your children in, and then once they move out- fill with decades of old newspapers, broken rocking chairs from yard sales and 97 cats... I think we blindly sort of followed the American dream when we assumed we'd want a nice house.  But by choosing to rent it out the past year, we discovered something we hadn't anticipated- not having a mortgage to pay freed up extra money to travel.  And we've loved it. Plus, we kinda like living on the family compound. Far from lacking space or privacy, we loved downsizing our belongings and the communal sense of living.  We've found that we would rather live in a small, simple place (I believe they call it 'living beneath your means,' which seems a little condescending to me, but you get the idea) & travel more. So now we've started to wonder if instead of living in the big house and renting out the condo, that perhaps we should sell the big house, pay off the small condo and move in there instead. It's kinda crazy- I mean, we just bought it a year and a half ago...it was supposed to be our dream home. But now we feel like we might have gotten it all wrong- a house is just four walls and a roof.  Life is the experiences you create. The American dream is whatever you want it to be, not necessarily a white picket fence.  Sure, we'll never be uber proud of living in a wee 2/2 condo, with no cool ocean or sunset views...but it will be paid for.  And we can use all that extra money to go to Timbuktu instead of having pretty granite counter tops.

The verdict for now?  Despite all the reasons above, we've decided to move in next June for a few years to see how we like it. We may love it. So we don't want to deny ourselves that possibility. But if it feels too much of a financial stretch for us and our travel dreams get shelved...we'll reassess. But until then, no use worrying about something that won't change for over a year, right?

Issue #4- The more I listen to myself talk to my husband, the more I realize how bossy and controlling I am.  I think Rich grants me so much leniency/defends my pushiness because he says its usually motivated by a non-selfish reason, and because for many years of my life (long story), I lacked a sense of control that I now have (and cling to). In a sense, he is kindly granting me the gift of self perceived 'power' to quell my anxieties.  And while it's all very generous and compassionate of him, I do fear that one day- he's gonna snap, run off, drain all the cash from our bank account and get a Harley. Maybe even...shudder...pierce an ear. And I'll have to let him since I nagged him for years about stupid stuff.  But it could be a real problem if he also drives home on that hog with a hot young nurse named "Destiny" on the back. In which case, I'm up poop creek.  Because last I checked- bossy, pimply Asians who nag a lot aren't exactly hot tickets.  So I have to remind myself that my husband has a set of hopes, dreams and interests that are not always the same as mine (and yes, it's a flaw he must work on as well).  :-)

I think that's it.  I'm sure if pressed, I can easily come up with about 79 more issues that deeply concern me- Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, meat factories, worm genocide, angry ostriches, hussies named Destiny, little 3-year old boys who feign a lack of coordination and refuse to pull up their own underwear after going to the potty, husbands who are adverse to wiping up sticky pineapple juice on the counter, etc....but I think I've hit the main points for now.  :-)

The Camping Club Trip #5 (Pine Trees...again)!

It's a freakin' three-day weekend, so we kicked it off by sneaking in a last minute camping trip at Pine Trees (Kohanaiki).  As part of a deal struck ages ago between a land developer & the County, the developer is supposed to have started paving the entry road and building restrooms/showers last month. And then supposedly after that, the park/camping management gets handed back over to the county (where it will then likely require a permit/fee to camp).  I'm not entirely opposed paying to camp (and am all too happy to do so when basic amenities are provided), but I do wish there was a sliding (payment) scale, so that no local resident, particularly those with strong cultural roots here, would ever be denied the opportunity to camp because of an inability to pay.

I'm excited to see what happens there in the near future (since its one of our favorite camping spots).  But I also can't wait to plan our next Camping Club Trip (#6)...Spencer Beach Park!  A few pics of the recent trip...

The Camping Club...reunited and it feels so good.

Grandpa leading the hike over to the Kaloko Fishponds...

We hiked over a short path to get to a sandy beach area, without a single soul in sight the entire time we were there.  :-)

Ryan not really diggin' the crab daddy caught for him to hold.

The boys made a mini aquarium for all the sea creatures they found- hermit crabs, sea urchins, a crab and a few sea cucumbers.

Keni requested large breasts...and I obliged.  It's a good thing I'm not a plastic surgeon, since I'd be sued for that horrifically lopsided job.

Please pay no attention to the strategically placed sea cucumber and branch in Keni's groin area.  Just a coincidence, I promise.

CA Trip Outtakes

Just got a few photos from my mom's camera, so thought I'd post a few that I loved:

This is the shirt Ryan chose to get from Disneyland.  I love it.  He bee lined over to this shiny, sparkly t-shirt section (no surprise).  And though I fully support the purchase of such a beautiful garment for my open minded, liberal 4-year old, his cousins flat out refused to wear a matching shirt.  Haters.

I love these giant slides...the only time when weight is an advantage.  We crushed those scrawny little amateurs. 

Post-ride high.  Ryan had to glumly sit this one out. 

If I told you that minutes earlier, these scary looking hogs were all milling on the opposite side of the enclosure, but that once I made a loud, African-tribal inspired animal call (which Joey had the nerve to say was "horribly embarrassing")...immediately resulted in ALL of them coming over to us, would you be amazed?  Because apparently, I am the Hog Whisperer.  I tried to recreate this moment at the hippo tank a moment later (while Joey edged away slowly), but sadly and shockingly- it did not work.   

Keni...no Hog Whisperer, but still a true, gentle soul and lover of all living things.  This was the kid frantically picking up trash near the duck pond so they wouldn't choke on the litter (while I admonished him not to get cooties from doing so).  Way to lead by example, champ!

Our little bumble bees.

I'm not sure who taught the boys that proudly exposing their man boobs was a good , or classy idea at public, family-friendly facilities, but well...there you go.  PS- Ryan is well fed, he just sucks in real good.  

I think we just figured out who taught them how to show off their chi-chis! (boobs)

Project List

It took a few days, but I think I've finally recovered from our trip. Doing yoga at sunset, meditating and switching to a vegan diet really helps to calm & soothe my soul... Too bad I didn't do any of that stuff.  But now that self imposed hibernation is over, it's time to get off my duff. I'm hoping that by listing out all the pending projects jumbled in my head, it will help organize and motivate me.

[And because I started this post two days ago, I've already crossed a few things off!  I'm probably cheating by leaving them on the list, but if you don't call me on it- I'd be much obliged.]

• Buy more worms, restart the vermi-composting - The shock and anger from the mass genocide has passed, and my grief counselor (of course I consulted one!) says it's time to move on.  Plus I really miss it. Who knew collecting worm poop was so addictive?
• Plant more seeds (our soil seems to harbor a fungus that infects every new tomato plant that kills it after one crop, so I keep having to replant new seedlings every 2 months in order to have a regular supply of veggies).  (Done, done, done...did this while Ryan napped today)
• Finish Ryan's vacation book (I do one after each trip we takes, nothing fancy...it's just a simple 'story' in a Word doc with pictures that I print out so he remembers the trip a little better).    (Hey...it was a long nap!)
• Make raw (no bake) energy bars - I've never done anything like this before, kinda excited...just hope the Riz likes 'em.  Riz likes 'em well enough, the problem is...mama likes 'em a lot.  Too much.
• Have Ryan finger paint (I am the *worst* mother ever when it comes to arts and crafts projects).  I just found his apron (still in the wrapper) and some fingerpaints we nabbed at a garage sale 9 months ago, so...no excuses!
• Start training!  I hadn't realized my 16 week training program started 2 weeks ago, so I now have a 14-week training program.  Whoops.  I also regained 4 lbs. since the ultra.  Double whoops.  [Post note: One week down...so far so good!]
• Plan our first camping trip for 2012- I  try to do this at least once, if not twice a year.  It's good for the boys, and it forces me to unplug for a few days.  It's happening- this weekend with the three boys.  Just gotta keep 'em away from that great white circling Pine Trees...yikes.
• Cook my first roast! - We try not to eat meat at home (when we're out its another story), but every so often I like to strap on my apron and serve up some good 'ol fashioned meat to my main man, you know what I'm sayin?  I'm thinking old school- some rosemary, broth, potatoes, carrots...just like the pioneers used to make (if the pioneers also used a slow cooker).    [Post note:  Just did this one for Rich's birthday lunch...I bought my first roast and now know why I hate doing this stuff.  Raw meat is gross.  Gross, gross, gross!  Still I glad I did though, everything in moderation...]
• Start working on Ryan's birthday party - my favorite event of the year!  :-)  I think we're going to do a small family party this year, but my mind is already whirring with tons of ideas.  Invitations, pennant, popcorn boxes, menu, slide show and a few other things are done...getting excited!
• Attempt my first oven baked frittata - I'm a simple country girl from an island in the middle of the Pacific, so I didn't even know what a frittata was until about a year ago.  Don't laugh.  I bet most people in New York City don't know what a spam musubi is...so who's more embarrassed now?!

My first frittata...decided to get a glass pie pan instead of cast iron pot ($$$), and it worked great.  I sauteed a purple onion, tomatoes, green onions, fresh spinach and a potato in olive oil, salt, pepper and garlic, then put it in the pie pan.  Then I poured in a dozen (whisked) eggs, shredded cheese, a cup of milk, and baked it for 30 min. @450 degrees, and ta-da!  A protein-packed, vegetarian breakfast!  I paired it with some whole wheat banana, pineapple & blueberry bread I baked a few days ago.  Here's the funny part- I didn't touch the frittata.  I don't like eggs.  :-)

Don't worry...he doesn't have a 'stache anymore.  We shaved it off.

Ry's breakfast (avocado, pineapple & Hawaiian sweetbread) from yesterday in his new Mickey Mouse "plate".  It was actually part of his meal at the park one day, but I couldn't bear to throw the cute, flimsy plate away.  :-)

Heh heh...Ry had his first optometrist visit today.  He loved it.  It was hys-terical.   He kept leaning to side and whispering to me for answers anytime he couldn't read certain letters.  

Days 8 & 9- San Diego Zoo & Home Bound!

Our last day was at the San Diego Zoo...and the first thing we went to see was the pandas.  We had brought a book about pandas to read to the boys while on the trip, so it was great for them to see the giant pandas (& a few red pandas) that they had just learned about.  We lucked out in that both pandas were out that morning, as they were closing the exhibit for the next three days to let them mate (& the female was removed shortly after we saw them for making too many mating noises & getting the male all wound up).

All they wanted to do was touch the elephants butt...of course.  A little someone also tried to showcase his butt too.  

Pretending to be Ryan  :-)  Sadly, Ryan is not offended by this, he is flattered and proud.  When I asked him how old he was going to be when he stopped sucking his thumb he told me, "Thirty two."  Which I'm fine with, only because then the cost of braces would be ALL on him.

Who wants to see beautiful animals from exotic, faraway lands when there's a playground at the park?!

The zoo staffer said she'd never seen the warthog do this before.

Teaching Ryan how to find calm in the middle of the stormy sea...

Thanks to Grandma...Ryan's latest obsession- souvenir penny smashing!

On the sky tram for the second time that day...

While riding the double decker bus out of the park...we managed to run into one of our best friends (who live 2 hours from the park)!  So Ryan got to see his sweet girlfriend for about 45 minutes.  :-)  They were so hyper and thrilled to be together again.

On our last night there the boys begged and begged to go to one of the many indoor playgrounds we saw each day, so we caved and took them to this one.

Nighty story with Uncle Joey, who changed the main character of the story's name to "Handsome Uncle Joey"...which resulted in hysterical laughter from all.

Day 7 - Sea World!

It's been awhile since I've been to Sea World, but I was pleasantly surprised by all the changes to the park.  I loved seeing beluga whales, polar bears and of course- Shamu.  I'm always conflicted going to zoos and marine parks...I feel so bad looking at how restrictive the cages/pens are, and most especially at how some of these amazing creatures have been plucked from the wild and reduced to show ponies. But at the same time, I also acknowledge that by exposing children (& adults) to these fascinating creatures- we're able to create awareness, curiosity and often- love & appreciation for the rest of the animal kingdom in a much more profound way (than learning about them from a textbook).  I admit that this is a cop out, but...um. Sorry.  

Another thing that seems to be in every single theme park is a 3D or 4D movie (not sure what the difference is).  Ryan loved reaching out and trying to grab whatever object was in front of us!  :-)  

One thing we rarely ever see in the Hawaiian Islands are starfish, so we can never resist getting to hold them!

Being silly in the giant observation, rotating elevator.

I absolutely adore these giant nets and scrambling around them mid-air!

Three little polar bears in hibernation.

We caught a second Shamu show, but this time, at Joey's insistence...in the Splash Zone!

Ba ha ha ha.

We had three queen sized beds in our family suite that night, but all three boys insisted they wanted to sleep on the pull out sofa. Two fell asleep very quickly, one naughty one stayed up until 11pm and then crawled into bed with me.  :-)  Can you spot the faker?  (Hint: He's hiding his face pretending to be asleep)

Day 6 - Legoland

Guess who popped down for a 3-day weekend with his nephews?  Good 'ol Uncle Joey!  We kicked off his visit with a trip to Legoland (Ryan's favorite park).

Keni & Riki are experienced rock wall climbers...

So you can guess who wanted to try it too once he saw his two cousins scrambling up the wall!

He looked so tiny and cute desperately trying to crawl up there...it took him about five times longer than any of the other children (we admittedly held up the line a bit, but in our defense- people were cheering him on)!  I was super proud of him for trying (the workers weren't allowed to help them, so he did that on his own).  :-)  He never made it to the top, but he sure would have tried to if we hadn't pulled him off so the other kids in line could have a chance.

Ryan learned how to tell secrets on his trip, and his older cousin was kind enough to oblige him all day long.  Typical *top* secrets were things like, "I have a butt!" or "The coconut tree and the chicken are scary monsters!"

Pure joy on his face.   Pure joy.