The Candle

I saw a cute DIY video on Facebook the other day on how to make a candle. Though I should have known better, I watched the video and thought, "Hey! Even I can do that!" The primary appeal was not needing to purchase wax (which is neither easily accessible or cheap here) and the simplicity of it all:

1. Melt vegetable shortening and pour into a recycled mason jar.
2. Melt an old broken crayon, add to jar for color.
3. Add essential oil for scent.
4. Add cotton string as wick.

In reality, here is how it went:

1. Drive 12 miles round trip to Target to buy shortening and string. Target is out of vegetable shortening and does not carry cotton string.
2. Two days later, drive 10 miles round trip to Wal Mart to buy shortening.
3. Spend extra 20 minutes hunting for cotton string. Note: most string is nylon.
4. Wait in line for 15 extra minutes due to being overcharged for an unrelated item. Receive various eye rolls and dirty looks from customer behind me.
5. Melt shortening. Son splashes oily, melted shortening across counter due to over-eager stirring.
6. Spend ten minutes hunting for broken crayons to melt. Son doesn't like the two colors of broken crayons we found. Instead, he chooses very expensive, brand new crayon imported from Japan that was given to him as part of a set.
7. Spend ten very nerve wracking minutes trying to melt very expensive, newly broken crayon in microwave. Suffer from severe anxiety waiting for microwave to explode before crayon actually melts. Cower upon opening microwave door after hearing 'funny' sounds.
8. Lightly burn fingers removing hot glass measuring cup with only partially melted crayon in it from microwave.
9. Finally get melted crayon and essential oil into shortening. Grab glass measuring cup to put in sink before crayon can harden again. Instantly scald/burn fingers and drop glass cup onto floor.
10. Glass shatters across an area of roughly 20 feet, with hundreds of shards embedding in the woven kitchen mat and sliding under various large appliances.
11. Spend 30 minutes sweeping, vacuuming glass off kitchen floor.
12. Spend 10 minutes picking up glass shards off counter after bag holding broken glass rips.
13. Spend 15 minutes scraping melted (now hardened) purple crayon off tile floor.
14. Throw in a special load of laundry in hopes that the water will remove any lingering, invisible glass shards stuck in the kitchen mat.
15. Spend next 3-4 hours using a variety of ice packs to soothe the searing pain of the red, blistered fingers of my left hand.
16. Spend 10 minutes texting spouse picture of the mess and complaining about my burn.
17. Spend 3 minutes texting a friend I'd confidently boasted to earlier in the day about our candle making endeavor and admit I am not capable of doing a simple DIY project without adult supervision.
18. Peck this post out with only my right hand and the toes of my left foot.
19. Cry softly as I type this.

Total cost of candle minus cleaning supplies, ingredients, new glass measuring cup, plus pain and suffering to left hand- $962.

Lessons learned-
1. I am not that kind of mom. I should have known better.
2. One minute after proudly lighting his candle, my son will walk away from it and forget all about it.
3. Candles made of gold and rubies are cheaper.