Doing my best, as we all do

Our first week back was a blur of grocery shopping, bill paying, yard taming, meal prepping, painful short runs (since I didn't run a step on vacation) and other non-thrilling but essential jobs. But I'm grateful to have my days free to do this, as I know most people don't. So what I can't figure out is that it's been two weeks since we returned, yet I still feel like I'm still barely cracking a dent in my (never-ending) to-do list. I honestly question my efficiency and work ethic at times since I don't have three kids or a traditional 9-5 work schedule. So I had to ask myself, if I did most of the heavy lifting last week...what the heck was I doing last week? I genuinely feel like a jerk being non-productive when my partner is busting his hump at work 50+ hours a week.

Once I looked through my calendar (which is pretty detailed, only because this very forgetful person relies heavily on reminders/schedules/lists), I felt better at what I saw. I worked at two of my PT jobs and helped out at a third (friend's tea shop), I sat through three hours of board meetings, did four loads of laundry, organized our 300+ trip photos, ran almost daily, hosted two back-to-back sleepovers for Ry's friends/cousins, finished two layers of Ry's birthday pinata (a giant Pokeball if you're wondering), started an indoor 'garden' on my kitchen windowsill since the murderous birds keep eating all my plant seedlings, have been battling mealybugs daily (but I'm now winning, because we finally caved and poisoned the bastards, thereby making my eggplant non-organic, but keeping me sane), washed/polished/vacuumed my car, went on a school trip, hosted a small egg-dyeing activity for a few kids, took Ry to school/karate/swim...oh, and I tried out two new recipes- lemon cheesecake pancakes (semi-delish, but too fattening and not a Ry-favorite) and apple pie (pie crusts = the devil's work). [Sidenote: How the heck does one develop the skill and patience to roll out even pie crusts, relocate them to a pie pan and then manage to create a decorative design in the crust? Our pie (yes, I only made one and I'm glad I did, as even one made me bitter and violent) was patched up, too thin, and if I'm being very generous here- ugly. Thankfully, it tasted great, but I am still done with pie crusts until 2094.]

But I digress. I did feel less lazy once I read through my week and realized that although I'm far from ambitious (trust me, there is plenty of down time when I need it), I do a reasonable job earning my keep 'round here (it's how I was raised), and am not taking advantage of my hard working spouse. It's important to me that I not try to be the perfect homemaker (a la Martha Stewart), as I lack the talent/interest, but that I at least help better the lives of those around me by doing the best that I can. I feel reassured this week, anyway, that I am doing that. I'm not being modest in saying that...I have many weeks where I lose my focus and do very little.

This week, I have a few pretty simple goals:

1. Improve my healthy with eating habits and longer runs (now that I'm not huffing and puffing as badly as I was a week ago). I've regained a shocking amount of weight this year...which is super embarrassing. My health needs to be my priority, not only for my own well being, but it makes me stronger for others when I feel good about myself. I'm not feeling so great at the moment and that needs to change.

2. Continue to develop the garden. WWIII is not so much a unthinkable nightmare as it is a possible, looming reality. If those ships don't come, we all starve. The state imports 90% of our food supply, despite having a year round warm climate. It's disappointing, but I get the economics of it (what farmer can afford land?). Still, my ample fat reserves will only keep me upright and above ground for so long. I need to focus on how to grow food of substance. Basil won't feed the family.

3. Finish up the details on Ryan's party. After last year's party, this year's will be uber simple/tiny. But I still need to get cracking, as I have two different visitors, a birthday, a special anniversary and Mothers Day x 3 to work on over the next six weeks).

4. Move on. Life doesn't always work out how you plan it, sometimes it's better, sometimes it's not. I haven't earned the money I'd hoped to over last 9 years, but I still want to do my best with the 'mom hours' that I have available. That being the case, I'm resigning from one job that hasn't worked out very well, and am starting another soon. Though it's always a challenge to resign and start something new, I have hope that it will be for the best. Though it's still far from perfect, it's 'good enough' for now, and I'm grateful for the opportunities I have. I'm hardly suffering in life (I don't think chronically plugged ears, chubby thighs and adult acne make the hardship list), so I just need to plaster a smile on my face professionally and march on. There's always far more positive than negative in this world, no matter how much it doesn't seem it these days.

I see happiness in future travels, meaningful friendships, the flowers my son picked me at school yesterday, I had a week of almost normal hearing that was wonderful (!) (though we're back to clogged), I finally made a pie (!), seeing my brother's joy in his new daughter being born a few days ago, hatching a secret plan for my mom for Mothers Day, that I'm getting a little faster in my runs, the recent rains, my beautiful sprouting arugula, the skin infection I've had for over 20+ years is finally being healed(!), being able to comfort my tearful son this morning with tickles and laughter (damn you, state testing!), the four-day weekend coming up...it's all good so long as I banish the negative voices in my head. :-)