Back to business

I have to admit that because we had a lot of fun in May, I figured June would be more about business/getting caught up. And...it kinda has been, but thankfully, there have been a few fun summer activities for Ryan as well.

I'm struggling with motivation for some reason, and as I told Rich last night, I've learned that it's very possible to be busy, but bored. :-) I have lots to do, but it doesn't mean any of it is fun or interesting- I'm finalizing a refi on one of our units, trying to kick start our lanai renovation project (the 2.0 version), need to start work on two projects for two new clients, as well as find the motivation to be a better home school teacher. We do it daily, but it's not fun or interesting for Ryan (or me). I lack the teaching skills to make learning innovative, and I feel bad for Ryan having me as a drill sergeant hovering over him, woefully unable to explain basic academic concepts in math/grammar properly or well. In all honesty, school was never easy for me, so I'm not exactly well equipped with the right tools any decent teacher needs- brains, a positive/cheerful attitude, patience. My poor child. His Tiger mom wants Asian grades, but gave him a remedial brain.

That being said, I really don't want summer to slip away and have not created any fun memories...so here are a few of my summer goals (it's taken me three weeks to post it this, so I've already done a few):

FUN:

• take Ryan to the beach at least once every 2 weeks summer (two visits so far! On point.)
• host a family ramen/gyoza/curry/fried rice night for my two nephews before they leave for Japan/California, both of whom both earned straight As this last quarter! This is one of their favorite meals (also done, cause this stuff is more fun to me!)
• take Ryan and a friend (or his cousins) camping once before summer ends
• take Ryan on a semi-secret hike a friend told me about near her home that sounds gorgeous (done...it was gorgeous, but pretty untamed trail, so very short)
• go to the library more often (nailing this one too, but again...it's fun for me) 
• take the boys biking on (while I run) Mud Lane in Waimea  

Some June summer fun so far...

Skate night = three solid hours of blading/biking with a few friends and his little cousin!

Cousin bonding at my favorite beach

A sleepover with his cousin on the lanai

Bon dance

Our new hike was short, but full of a few surprises! We encountered this friendly little fella hard at work trimming the grass of his family's coffee farm.

And this! Look at this! The plants stretched up to the sky! It reminded me of a bamboo grove.

I live at the lower elevation on the island (650 feet and below), so anytime I see massive mounds of moss in Kona, I get excited. I always forget the diverse landscape surrounding us. This shot, sans ferns, reminds me of lush green, mossy, Iceland.

I just realized that I've fallen into a bit of a rut this month (since after our May, anything would seem anticlimactic). But I'm determined to find the motivation to pull myself out of it. I have absolutely ZERO valid reasons to feel this way. I've got plenty of excuses...I can't run as much because of my bum knee so I feel lazy, I can't color my hair so I look gross, I feel lazy/gross so I'm eating too much, everyday is a blur of school/chores/errands/chauffeuring, I could lose my main client in two months so I need a better job, my 1-year old laptop broke and the warranty just ended, etc. And though they're all valid emotions, they're not valid excises to sit around and eat a bag of chips (since last I checked, I was able bodied with a roof over my head and a loving partner).

So as of today, I'm refusing to continue shuffling through the motions, feeling sorry for myself and eating through the pantry another day. It's time for a little mental health awareness and self love, you know? I'm not great at recognizing when this is necessary, as I was raised to suck it up, buttercup. That's not a bad thing sometimes, but my default modus operandi is to stuff down anything that tries to rise up, and that approach is never a good one over the long run.

So here's to turning things around, more accountability for my physical and mental health, more positivity and excitement in the summer days ahead...