New Year, Same COVID, New Goals

I have been seriously lacking in motivation lately. I told myself I didn't clean my house, drop ten pounds or learn a new hobby/language like everybody else because I was too busy working FT, raising a child, suffering from plantar fasciitis and managing our household/rentals. 

But the truth is...I didn't do any of that shiz when I worked part-time, and I have A LOT less commitments these days now that most of Ryan's activities are still cancelled...so in reality...I'm just...lazy. So here are my goals for 2021, and I'm going to boldly declare them here with the hope that it will either motivate or shame me into delivering. 

I know I can't control the economy, travel, COVID, my child or the actions of others...but I *can* still control MY behavior:

1. I need to lose my Quarantine Thirteen.  It's kinda funny, but mostly mortifying that my clothes don't fit, and you know...just ugh. Ugh. I feel better when I feel confident and strong. So its time to reclaim my health and make this a priority. I am responsible for this! It's tough reversing the mindset that 'taking care of myself' is not sitting on the sofa with a bag of lemon peel gummies and watching 90 Day Fiancée, it's also walking with a friend, writing, cooking a healthy meal, going to bed early, reading a book, etc.

2. I want to get back to the garden and plant eggplant, cilantro and tomatoes. A few months ago, I replanted the seeds of some heirloom tomatoes I really enjoyed. Even after totally neglecting them, we were surprised with a few hundred red, orange, yellow and purple grape tomatoes that are SO delicious they're like fruit! It's been a joy giving those out to friends, family and neighbors, and I miss that.

3. I want to read less news, and more books again. The news can be depressing, anxiety-inducing and frustrating. Rarely are books this way...they're more of an escape into another world. I think this is a better world than the one we've been reading out, right?

4. I want more alone/down time. This one sounds bad at first blush. But when I'm not working 50-60 hours a week, I'm running with my son/nephew, walking with friends, planning events for Ry, visiting my parents/family, reading the awful news, doing laundry, running errands, cleaning the yard, tidying the house... These are all rewarding, important tasks and privileges, but they're not always joyful activities. Sometimes I just want to stay in bed, curl up and read...and ignore the world. I don't think this even happens more than twice a month, and that kind of stinks.

5. I want to spend more time with just Rich and Ryan. My guilt prevents me from it being 'just us' most times. I want to invite his friends. His cousins. My parents. People we're indebted to. Coworkers. And then that means Relaxed Jolene is replaced by Anxious Jolene who wants everything to be perfect for everybody. Rich is not fond of this stress ball...and I think Rich should shove it, but he's also right. I am a caregiver through and through, so it makes it tough to just sit and enjoy what is mine. I feel obligated to share it. This isn't a bad thing, but there is a better balance, to be sure.

These are tough goals for me. Very tough. I don't have much hope, honestly! But I'll see what I can do. :-) 

In the meantime, a few snaps of 2021...

I have not tried to carry my son like a baby in years. So I tried on New Years. It was...tough.

And he can now carry me! I'm sure he has a hernia, but he managed to hoist me a few inches off the ground! He's taller than me, but I outweigh him easily, by 40 lbs!

One of my nieces made it to 11:40pm. The younger one made it easily past midnight! My preference would be to ring in the new year in my dreams, but I'm happy to spend the night with family. :-)

New Years Mochi Baking

For the second year in a row, I made a variety of different baked mochi for our Nihonjin friends/family. Not all came out okay, and one had to be tossed (the chi chi dango overcooked), but I am committed to perfecting the process, despite swearing each year will be my last (it's an all day affair on my painful feet in a very hot kitchen). Buuut...it's kinda fun and rewarding doing those deliveries to people and maintaining our new tradition (really, the only one we have)! Rich chauffeurs me around once we're done that evening, and we get to say quick socially-distanced hellos to so many people we love and care about.

By the way, even though 2021 has already been panned as 'not quite the recovery we were hoping for' by so many critics and economists...I am truly hopeful. Rich got his vaccine last week, and has been administering them to others in our community. I am praying my parents get theirs in the next few months, and that Ry and I can get ours in spring. Operation Warp Speed appeared to come to a grinding halt, so I am hopeful a new administration may be more successful in providing them more expeditiously. This is not an attack on Trump. Although I despise his behavior and temperament, I will also say that the entire pandemic was unchartered territory for everyone. I know it is far easier to blunder than succeed, so I will credit the current administration for getting the funding available to assist in getting a vaccine done in record time...but the distribution has seemed like it's moving at a glacial pace. 

I don't want to mope around predicting gloom and doom, so my hopes for 2021 are this: a faster vaccine distribution for those that want it...a stabilized economy, a return to travel once it's safe...and that other countries have access to what we do. I've never bought into this "America First" horsepucky, after all. I think it should be 'humanity first.' We won the genetic lottery being born in a first world country, and we should be mindful that it's not our 'right' to be prosperous, it's our LUCK and our obligation to help others.